And yet I'm sat here right now in girls' jeans and a bra instead of a binder, having spent the last week really missing being a girl. I went round to my old house today and retrieved a few bits and bobs of girl stuff from the attic to wear around the house.
What. The heck?! I've never needed anything in my life so much as transition - I had this gut-deep drive to do it and now I have an equally incomprehensible urge to femme out. I don't get it. I've always known I'm going to miss being a girl, but is it really possible I've gone this long without realising I'm not completely male-identified? I know people have phases in their gender journey but I really just can't get any kind of answer out of myself about top surgery that feels like it goes to the heart of the matter. I genuinely don't *know*, and that's freaking me out because of what it implies about my identification. Halp..?